If you haven’t seen QUEENPINS yet, you’re missing out on a funny movie. And funny movies are the perfect fodder for great quotes. We’ve curated a list of QUEENPINS Best Quotes for you to laugh at and use at whim.
Kristen Bell as Connie Kaminski in QUEENPINS. Credit: Courtesy STX Films
QUEENPINS Best Quotes
I almost peed myself. –Connie
This was all about coupons. –Connie
I’m a 3-time Olympic race walking champion. –Connie
You ever heard of Steve Jobs? –JoJo
If white people were jumping off a bridge I would not jump off a bridge. –JoJo
Has anyone ever been happy to see you? –Connie
I have one more question for you? –Rick
Do you think Rick knows how to pay the phone bill with toothpaste? –Connie
Your total is $138.50. –Cashier Greg
Is it? –Connie
Are you kidding? This is like 1,000 coupons. –Cashier Greg
Here’s your trophy! –Cashier Greg
I have a history with identity theft. –JoJo
No, I had my identity stolen. –JoJo
I’m leaving. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. –Rick
You could have been eating at expensive places, but you chose 4 rounds of expensive IV treatments. You’re trying to replace what we lost with coupons. –Rick
Are you kidding me right now? –Connie
Get a job. Get out of this room. –Rick
No one is going to help us. You know who gets rewarded? People who don’t follow the rules. –Connie
I have hemorrhoids. You know what helps? Preparation H. You’re a giant asshole. –Woman at checkout
Photo: Courtesy STX Films
We need an inside man. –Connie
He looks too sketchy. –JoJo
We need sketchy. –Connie
You never trail someone in Mexico. You stupid!!! –Woman Connie and JoJo were trailing in Mexico
Well look at you, we have a couple of queen pins in the making.
Trust me, nobody gives a bag of dicks about your brand. –Tempe Tina
Is it cheaper if we buy them in bulk? –Connie
It probably shouldn’t have been that easy. –JoJo
I’m gonna say, girl, this all started with a coupon. –JoJo
I, Ken Miller, do solemnly swear that I’m being f*cked with.
I don’t have the power to make you a deputy. –Inspector General
Do we have to use his sperm? –Connie
He is your husband. –Infertility Doctor
I think we’d like to shop around. –JoJo
Did we just spend $330,000 on one man’s sperm? –Connie
Photo: Michael Desmond/STX Films
Any idea why I brought you guys here? –Tempe Tina
Where the fuck is all your money? –Tempe Tina
We bought a few things. –JoJo
We also bought a few guns. –Connie
Where the fuck are you going to sell guns? –Tempe Tina
eBay? –Connie
Are you sure you don’t want to discuss with your husband before I implant the embryos? Remember I can’t unbake the cake. –Infertility Doctor
We didn’t use any of his ingredients, he doesn’t deserve the cake. –Connie
You don’t shit in the car. –Inspector General
Jesus Christ, you’re an animal. Are you crazy? You can’t just take a shit in a car. –Inspector General
I don’t want to get it on the seats so I’m just gonna have to sit like this. –Ken
Photo: Courtesy STX Films
I owe you an apology. You guys aren’t like the FBI. –Ken
Negative. The FBI’s like us. Don’t fuck with the post office. –Inspector General
Wanna ride along? –Inspector General
You messing with me? –Ken
Stay out of the way. –Inspector General
10-4. –Ken
You should probably get yourself a really good lawyer. And you should probably pay full price for this one. –Earl
Could you just bail me out? –Connie
What you don’t have a coupon for that? –Rick
Next time you walk into a room and you think that people are sorry to see you because you’re an auditor? It’s not. It’s because you are an asshole. I want a divorce. –Connie
Have you read our QUEENPINS Interviews
QUEENPINS stars Kirby Howell-Baptiste and Kristen Bell talk about their roles in the comedy, QUEENPINS, inspired by the 2012 $40 million extreme couponing crime ring in Phoenix, AZ. We also had a chance to speak with the filmmakers Gita Pullapilly & Aron Gaudet.
QUEENPINS opens in select Cinemark Theaters nationwide on September 10, then streaming on Paramount+ on September 30. #QUEENPINS #ParamountPlus
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